Counselling, Psychotherapy, Hypnotherapy and Life Coaching in Mauritius Counselling, Psychotherapy, Hypnotherapy and Life Coaching in Mauritius Counselling, Psychotherapy, Hypnotherapy and Life Coaching in Mauritius Counselling, Psychotherapy, Hypnotherapy and Life Coaching in Mauritius
  • HOME
  • ABOUT US
    • Executive Coaching
    • Celebrity Therapist
  • COUNSELLING
    • Addiction
    • Anger Management
    • Art Therapy
    • Grief Counselling
    • Bullying and Harassment
    • Confidence
    • Low Mood, Anxiety & Depression
    • LGBT
    • PTSD
    • Relationship Counselling
    • Skype Counselling
    • Trauma
  • HYPNOTHERAPY
    • Fear of Dogs
    • Hypertension & Stress
    • Weight Loss
  • BLOG
    • VIDEO
  • EAP SERVICES
  • PRICING
  • FAQ
  • CONTACT
    • Therapy Contract
Counselling, Psychotherapy, Hypnotherapy and Life Coaching in Mauritius Counselling, Psychotherapy, Hypnotherapy and Life Coaching in Mauritius
  • HOME
  • ABOUT US
    • Executive Coaching
    • Celebrity Therapist
  • COUNSELLING
    • Addiction
    • Anger Management
    • Art Therapy
    • Grief Counselling
    • Bullying and Harassment
    • Confidence
    • Low Mood, Anxiety & Depression
    • LGBT
    • PTSD
    • Relationship Counselling
    • Skype Counselling
    • Trauma
  • HYPNOTHERAPY
    • Fear of Dogs
    • Hypertension & Stress
    • Weight Loss
  • BLOG
    • VIDEO
  • EAP SERVICES
  • PRICING
  • FAQ
  • CONTACT
    • Therapy Contract

Blog

Counselling, Psychotherapy, Hypnotherapy and Life Coaching in Mauritius / Family / Advice Column: Jealousy and Distrust
Feb 02
distrust

Advice Column: Jealousy and Distrust

  • 2nd February 2019
  • Caroline Holbrook
  • No Comments
  • Family, Love, Relationships

Dear Caroline,

I hope that you can help. For some time now my marriage has been suffering. My wife and I seem to be screaming and yelling at each other every day. I would say that jealousy is a big factor that causes the majority of our arguments.

My wife has a close male friend who is single. I have always tried to be supportive of her close friendships and have trusted her implicitly, even during times that felt uncomfortable. As I continue to try my best, I find that it is growing difficult to maintain this trust. Recently, given that we have been arguing so often, my wife has stayed over at her male friend’s house. She expresses that it is perfectly innocent, that he is like a brother to her and that she slept in a separate bedroom. However, this feels inappropriate. Every time I try to discuss this issue with my wife, she becomes very angry and offended by what she feels is my accusing her of wrong doing.

How do I handle this in a calm manner? I feel very confused. Is it wrong of me to expect my wife to make some changes? I have had some relationships in the past whereby I was cheated on. Going back to my younger years, I was the cheater. I understand that this makes me particularly sensitive to jealousy and trust issues.

Thank you,

Berhan


Dear Berhan,

Jealousy and distrust are tricky issues to navigate within any relationship. As an emotion, jealousy can feel overpowering as it is a rather harrowing combination of fear, humiliation and rage. Your past experiences of infidelity, can indeed fuel your emotional response to circumstances such as this, particularly the fear of abandonment.

It is great that you have acknowledged your feelings and that you are taking the time to consider them carefully and with patience. Continue with this self-awareness. Remember that your pangs of jealousy and distrust are telling of your love for your wife and your fear of being betrayed, not necessarily that your wife has done anything wrong. Painful feelings can often come to feel like open wounds to our self-esteem and self-worth. Take some further time to focus on the relationship that you have with yourself. In doing so, consider whether the anger and insecurity that you are experiencing extends beyond your wife and your marriage. Do your feelings have more to do with the pain and betrayal evoked from your past? Also remember that whilst you have no control as to the actions of your wife, you do have control as to how you cope and respond to this situation. In this instance, your feelings of jealousy and anger can be utilised as useful tools that signal to you that, for whatever reason, your relationship is currently in danger and in need of repair.

The fact that your wife retreats to her friend’s house following your arguments, indicates that she is overwhelmed by the daily confrontations that are occurring. I would suggest that the way in which you both express your anger needs to be explored and the main factor to overcome. Are you truly listening to one another? It seems that the way in which you communicate your emotions is the true source of the conflict and confusion that you are experiencing.

Boundaries shall be the key tool for you both to utilise moving forwards. By boundaries, I mean the agreed and shared understanding of what is appropriate behaviour and what isn’t, for the good of your relationship. Boundaries apply to the both of you and must be mutual. For example, a boundary

could be that you both agree that staying overnight at a single friend’s house is inappropriate, therefore you both shall refrain from doing it. Another boundary could be that when either of you feel a sense of anger or jealousy arising, you write down your emotions and think with caution about how you wish to express them effectively and calmly before confronting one another.

If you find that attempts to instil mutual boundaries such as this are ineffective, couples counselling may be the way forward to assist you both in communicating successfully within a non-judgemental and supportive environment. The therapy process will assist you to forge more constructive communication patterns that will significantly reduce your daily arguments and allow you to attain a better understanding of one another.

Have patience Berhan.

Wishing you happiness and restored peace of mind,

Caroline


News on Sunday – My Weekly Advice Column

The News on Sunday is a popular newspaper owned by the DefiMedia Group in Mauritius, covering the local news and all the information on politics, economy, culture and entertainment. If you are looking for professional and qualified advice, then please email me directly at caroline@heretohelp.co

More information about me and the services we offer at Here to Help can be found here.

Distrust and Jealousy

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Tumblr
  • Pinterest
  • Google+
  • LinkedIn
  • E-Mail

About The Author

Caroline is a masters qualified counsellor and psychotherapist. She specialises in couples counselling, grief and art therapy. With her person centred therapy background, she now runs her own practice, has a weekly column in Mauritius' national newspaper, the News on Sunday and has worked as an in-house counsellor for a 'Times Top 100' company in the UK.

Related Posts

  • Advice Column: Mad Men25th May 2019
  • Advice Column: Coping with grief18th May 2019
  • Advice Column: Unrequited love11th May 2019
  • Advice Column: Betrayal30th March 2019

Leave a reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Newsletter

Recent Posts

  • Dealing with rage
  • Advice Column: Mad Men
  • Advice Column: How to find love again
  • Advice Column: Coping with grief
  • Advice Column: Self-worth

HOURS

Monday—Friday: 9:00AM–8:00PM
Saturday & Sunday: 10:00AM–5:00PM

If you are in an emergency crisis, or if you or any other person may be in danger - don't use this site.

Either talk to your GP, dial 112, or go to your nearest A&E department immediately. Alternatively contact your local crisis home treatment team, if you have one.

Game day and this baby has finally arrived!!! I pr Game day and this baby has finally arrived!!! I predict a low scoring draw, but really we need a huge Liverpool performance today and 3pts. Come on Redmen. 

Big thanks to @plattnav for the threads!

#YNWA #liveyourbestlife #Liverpool #Liverpoolfc #livmun
#islandMan #vivaEspana #❤🇪🇸
#liverpoolfans #liverpoolfootballclub #bigwinneeded #EFL #Champions #championsperformancerequired 
🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆
My big horsey tired out from a quick trot. Not sur My big horsey tired out from a quick trot. Not sure I'll be breaking many PBs today with that time, but good to breathe in the sea air and get the blood pumping heading into a New Year. 

Next time I'm going for a dip 🏊🏽‍♂️, even if it's 3°C out! 😜 Not so sure Sunshine Salah will be joining me mind 😊

Roll on January and into a scorching, exciting new dawn! #bringIt 

#HappyDays #blueskies #lifeisbeautiful #wimhofmethod #submerged #NextTime 😉 #liveyourbestlife #islandMan #mediterraneanMagic #European #loveSitges 🏳️‍🌈
Follow on Instagram

CONTACT INFO

Here to Help Co
Avenue Des Dattiers
Albion
Black River
Mauritius
Phone: +230 5844 4744 E-Mail: caroline@heretohelp.co Web: heretohelp.co

ENDORSED BY

Find us on  Counselling Pages |

2020 Here to Help Co - WordPress Theme