Dear Caroline,
Procrastination is a real problem for me. So much so it is causing conflict between my girlfriend and I which is causing me great sadness. If I can put something off I will. From small things like putting the bin out, to actually getting around to proposing to her. My boss at work now has even noticed some of my colleagues jokingly refer to me as ‘‘the Sloth’’ for my overly casual nature.
My partner also says that I’m not ambitious and I’m starting to worry that she may feel she has backed the wrong horse. In fact, I’m starting to feel she deserves better and might actually be right.
What can I do to get me out of this longstanding issue and get some sort of drive back into me as I wasn’t always like this?
Regards, Kyle
Dear Kyle,
Procrastination is defined as the act of delaying or postponing something. Often, we procrastinate through a sense of fear of failure or because we are simply overwhelmed by the multiple tasks that we must complete. However, more poignantly here, it reads as though you are also currently feeling incredibly low. Many of us are unaware that depression, coupled with procrastination is highly common and it could well be that this accounts for your experiencing.
In order to fully understand why you have come to feel this way, it is time to ask yourself some important questions Kyle as to your emotions, physical health and thoughts of self.
Emotions
Are you feeling intense sadness or a sense of emptiness?
Feelings such as this can often take us by surprise and it can prove difficult to pinpoint precisely when they first arose. Ask yourself: was there a specific event that triggered your procrastination and overall sense of sadness? If so, what was it? Impacted emotions such as this can have a huge impact upon our levels of motivation, as well as our overall well-being and mental health.
Physicality
How are your sleeping patterns?
Are you eating regularly or has your appetite become affected?
How are your levels of concentration?
The impact upon our physical health weighs heavy on the motivation scale. Ask yourself: what changes can you make in order to improve your physical well-being?
Thought of Self
Are you experiencing negative thoughts?
Are you optimistic for the future and what you can accomplish? Negative patterns of thought are highly destructive. If you are experiencing negative thoughts, then the act of recovering your own sense of worth and potential should become your main focus moving forwards. This can best be achieved through therapeutic support. Trying to better understand yourself and your thought processes will also prove a positive step for healing within your relationship. You mention your view that your partner ‘‘deserves better’’ as well as a sense that she has in fact ‘‘backed the wrong horse’’. You also mention your reluctance to propose. Ask yourself: are you fearful of what the future holds? What are your thoughts about yourself at this moment in time?
You can do it!
I appreciate that initiating change is not easy and can almost feel impossible. If motivation is indeed your goal, remind yourself each and every day moving forwards that you CAN do this and that you CAN succeed. Start by making a personal commitment to completing three tasks a day. Be it taking the bins out or cleaning the windows, or perhaps finishing a specific task at work. Whatever they are, write down the three things that you have accomplished at the end of each day and take a moment to acknowledge your success. After a week or two, your three tasks should become five. After a week or so more, broaden your horizons and begin to take some time to think about what it is that you want for your life. Do you wish for a career change? For travel? Is there a dream you once had that you wish to pursue? Write down these thoughts and take a moment to acknowledge what actions may need to be taken in order to make them happen. This is, in itself, a motivational exercise that also encourages the act of self- reflection.
Counselling sessions are something worth considering and would prove a wonderful support, in terms of assisting you to heal within yourself and also in fostering your pursuit of motivation. The therapy process will also assist you in restoring your excitement for life and in being able to acknowledge its endless possibilities.
Be mindful that the ‘‘Sloth’’, all be it restful, it is also one of nature’s most gentle and patient animals, not to mention a truly great climber of the tallest of trees! The point being, be gentle and kind to yourself at this time Kyle, ensure that you focus on what feels important to you and endeavor to take each day at a time. Do not underestimate what you are capable of. You have within you the power and capability to climb to whatever height of success you wish.
Caroline
News on Sunday – My Weekly Advice Column
The News on Sunday is a popular newspaper owned by the DefiMedia Group in Mauritius, covering the local news and all the information on politics, economy, culture and entertainment. If you are looking for professional and qualified advice, then please email me directly at caroline@heretohelp.co
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