Dear Caroline,

I have been feeling very down lately. When I am alone I feel very insecure of myself. I never used to feel this way and I am not sure why I feel this way now. As I have gotten older I guess the opinion I have of myself has become steadily worse. I overheard a conversation recently between my friends who were expressing concern that I am not making enough money which upset me a great deal. I have to admit, that what they say is true, for I am not where I expected to be, financially, career-wise and also in terms of my personal life. I want to make a success of myself, but I am losing confidence.

Do you have any advice for me?

Thank you,

Cecilia

Dear Cecilia,

We all feel this way from time to time. What you are experiencing is a negative belief about yourself as well as doubt with regards to the capabilities that you possess in order to achieve your inner most potential. In other words, your self-worth is damaged.

Self-worth is the opinion that you have about yourself. It dictates how you value and respect yourself. As such, our self-worth is to be nurtured and protected over the course of our lives. When our self-worth is damaged, we frequently believe the worst about ourselves. Small steps can be undertaken right away in order to rectify this.

1. Improve your self-talk: Communicate those inner thoughts of yours as positively as you can. Every single day, wake up and tell yourself at least three affirmative things about who you are. ‘‘I am…’’, ‘‘I am…’’ and ‘‘I am’’. Whenever you catch yourself thinking negative things about yourself, stop and take a breath. Counteract these negative thoughts with positive ones. This may take some time, but after some practice, you will be amazed by how your self-worth begins to improve.

2. Focus on the future: There is no point in dwelling on what has gone wrong in the past. Acknowledge any failures as lessons guiding you in the right direction. Look forward to what actions you can take to improve your situation and to achieve your goals of success, whatever they may be.

3. Try not to place importance upon the perspectives of others: Encouragement comes from within. All of us should stop looking outwardly to others in order to feel encouraged, motivated and even loved. Instead, we should try our best to do that for ourselves. Equally important is a commitment to drown out any negative voices or opinions that you may receive from others. In order to be your best self, you must hold strong against the negative or toxic people around you, be they partners, family members, friends or colleagues. Rise above their criticism and judgement, for it is only your own opinion about yourself that truly matters.

4. Take action: With every day, a new opportunity arises. Never forget that you are your own best motivator. Recognise that every day that you wake up strong and healthy, you have a chance to make great and positive changes in your life. Embrace each day for this very reason and value your health. It may be worth making a promise to yourself, to set aside just twenty minutes of your day to plan or research or consider what it is that you need to do in order to reach your life goals. This is an initial step in acknowledging that time is on your side if you allow it to be.

Do not underestimate yourself Cecilia nor put limits as to what you can achieve. For the moment, you must prioritise your self-care until you start to feel better about yourself. Ensure that you are sleeping enough and following a healthy diet. Try your best to step outside for some exercise, even a short walk will prove helpful. If you find that you are struggling, do not hesitate to seek therapeutic support. Counselling sessions will provide you the space to reflect upon the issues or obstacles that you need to overcome in order to move forwards with your life. The process will also assist you in rebuilding your inner confidence and conviction. Have patience. Restoring your self-worth takes time. Be extra kind to yourself during this period and continue to try your best,

Wishing you strength, Caroline

News on Sunday – My Weekly Advice Column

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