Dear Caroline,

I was hoping that you can help me. It’s been suggested that I can’t relax. I’ve always had trouble relaxing since I was young, but people have commented how I seem very uncomfortable when I have nothing to do. I guess I have been stressed lately for various reasons in my personal and professional life.

My partner is becoming increasingly annoyed that I simply cannot sit down and just relax on occasion. Watching a film in its entirety, or just sitting quietly reading a book are often cited as things I don’t seem capable of doing according to her. I just think there is something else I could be doing and when I do think about it to be honest, I find it hard to switch off.

Do you have any suggestions that can help me, as up until now I didn’t really see this as being all that big a problem, if it is at all?

Kindest regards,

Melvin

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Dear Melvin,

Whether or not your restless mind is a problem, is subjective and many people will differ in their opinion. If your restlessness is starting to cause significant discontentment within your relationship, or if you are finding yourself growing increasingly concerned, then it is something for you to explore further, if only to gain  a greater understanding of yourself.

This issue is a common one, for we live in a world that is demanding, hectic and stressful. Our society collectively is stressed, anxious or depressed. We equate success with money instead of our health. We feel selfish and dare I say guilty about relaxing or delegating some time for prioritising our own rest or enjoyment. However, it is so very important to relax and unwind. It is so very important to be content in your own company and it is so very important to put yourself first during times of difficulty or stress. Ultimately, if we do not have a good relationships with ourselves, how are we able to foster good relationships with others?

There are certain things that you can try straight away to get the ball rolling.

• Assign yourself a pastime: Decide upon a number of pleasurable films, books or activities each week. Whatever it is that you enjoy, make time for it and ensure a minimum of three hours each week. This is your act of escapism. Embrace it.

• Make time for breathing exercises each and every day: Set several minutes aside to breathe. In through your nose and out through your mouth. Take slow, steady breaths. This physical act will support you in switching off from all outer distractions and allow you refocus upon yourself.

• Partake in ten minutes of silence: If background noise is absolutely necessary, listening to soothing music as you sit back and close your eyes each day. Be it morning, noon or night, attempt to establish this as part of your daily routine. The point of this conscious act is to pay attention to your inner voice. Pay attention to your restless thoughts that come alive whilst in a quiet room. During the silence, ask yourself why is it so difficult for you to be happy in your own company?

• Write down your thoughts: Making a record of our thoughts and feelings as we experience them in the moment, can prove tremendously insightful. Write down all of your frustrations following each of your attempts to relax in the coming weeks. You will be surprised how as soon as we begin to reflect upon and acknowledge our emotions, our stress begins to dissipate.

• Consider counselling sessions: If you find that your restlessness is beyond your control or that it is impacting your sleep or overall health, it is important that you reflect on a deeper level, the reasons why this is the case. Is there an underlying stress or anxiety that is triggering your inability to relax? It is also worth considering the reason why you do not feel content in your own space. Why is this difficult for you? When did this begin? By attempting to unwind your tired mind, you are also acknowledging your partner’s concerns.

There must also be a baseline of acceptance within, that appreciates the notion that it is okay to relax. It is essential to relax Melvin, for your own well-being. As of right now, grant yourself the permission to enjoy moments that are just for you.

Wishing you good health and happiness,

Caroline

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News on Sunday – My Weekly Advice Column

The News on Sunday is a popular newspaper owned by the DefiMedia Group in Mauritius, covering the local news and all the information on politics, economy, culture and entertainment.

If you are looking for professional and qualified advice in and around Sitges (Spain), then please email me directly at caroline@heretohelp.co More information about myself and the services I offer can be found here at the Here to Help website.